Being Seen

 How do you know when you’ve been seen by someone? 
What helps you to feel seen by someone? 

These questions were the springboard for table conversations at Dottie’s during the weekly Thursday gathering. They seemed like questions that would invite folks into dialogue about the positive power of presence and visibility.  What resulted was a deep and complex duality between being seen through public actions such as engagement in social justice and at the same time preserving personal and private space.  This led to recognizing the tension between internal values which are private that became public through external demonstrations.  “Being seen” was less important to several of our community than “being safe” with too much visibility equating to the potential for unwelcome vulnerability.  There is a risk to being seen as it opens the door to re-experiencing past harms and injustices.   

Sometimes what is seen is based on normative judgements that do not distinguish external actions from internal values. “Finding space in the perceptions of being seen for who we truly are and who we are seen to be through public actions and visible choices.”  This results in perpetuating the sense of invisibility that many live with while interacting within the social norms of society.  Are we seen for what we look like, or how we act rather than for who we are?

For one of our multi-lingual friends the question “How do you know if you are seen?” led to a linguistic journey through the social norms of dating and the words we use in the context of meeting people. “Are you seeing someone?”  It is both an invitation to engage in deeper conversation and at the same time a way to provide a boundary for safety.

​“I see you” is much more than about being visible through the lens of external appearances. It is about the process of both knowing and becoming known, taking our time and building trust.

-Written by The Rev. Margot Page, Deacon

---